Shnoowurf

A Brief Overview of Shnoowurf
Shnoowurf is a communist dictatorship located in the Carribbean near Cuba. It had been taken over by communist influence in the Communist Revolution, just as Cuba had. Somehow, no one knows of Shnoowurf. I say it is pure ignorance, because that is what I am forced to say, but it is really way more in depth. The laws of Shnoowurf are also very strange, as is the language. Read the assorted sections to learn more.

Founding of Ihaetyuoll



 * The history of Shnoowurf starts when the universe begins, some 13.8 billion years ago.Shnoowurf is on the Earth, so this is technically part of its history. Let's fastforward a few billion years, Shall we? About 4.5 billion years ago, the Earth is created. Shnoowurf is on the Earth, so this is technically part of its history. Pangea will break up sooner or later: yaddah, yaddah, yaddah...


 * Here! In the 1400s! Novembuary 102nd, 1406, to be exact! In 1406, Shnoowurf is founded on Ihaetya Island by Ihaet Evribuddi, a conqistador hungry for biscuits! He was, however, looking for gold. He just really liked biscuits. I mean, really, really, liked biscuits. Well, Ihaet Evribuddi founded this island territory, called Ihaetyuoll, for Spain. This was a big mistake, considering he was from the Ottoman Empire. This mis-founding was a cause of the Ihaetyuoll War, between Spain and the Ottoman Empire, from Novembuary 104th, 1406 to April 19th in 1406, a bloody battle for control of this territory.

Post - Ihaetyuoll War

 * Spain eventually won the Ihaetyuoll War, and conquered this territory.Go Spain! Spain rocks! Spain is the best nation on Earth! I mean, I'm totally unbiased in this matter. Spain renamed this territory to be Ihaeteanglind. I haeteanglind was prosperous - actually, that's the biggest lie I've ever heard - until the freedom of The United States of America came to be. Darn you, America! Spain wanted that territory!


 * This infuriating repulsion against England inspired Ihaeteanglind - ha, ha. England. - to wage a revolutionary war as well. Their battle for unrighteous independence was waged 10 years later, in 1786. This greuling battle against the atrocious tyrrany that is the freedom of Ihaeteanglind lasted until Novembuary 5th, two years later, in 1788.

The New Ihaetyuoll

 * The new independent state chose to be called Ihaetyuoll, its original name. They were now a Parliamentary Democracy, the first Parliamentary Democracy in history. The leader was a direct descendant of Ihaet Evribuddi, named Ihaet Evribuddi the XXXIVth. That number is 34th, if you can't read Roman Numerals, and yes. That is alot of Ihaets.

Control by Haiti

 * Ihaetyuoll was not to last, however. A native people called the Munkys wanted their island back. They assassinated Ihaet Evribuddi the XXXIVth on the 1st of January in 1789. Uncertain of what they should do with themselves, yet again, and these horriffic Europe-ians, they let themselves be taken over by the nearby also newfound country, Haiti.


 * Haiti ruled over their new island way more prosperily than their old one. They invested in futuristic technologies over the ages including: electricity, the telegram, that recording machine thingy that noone cares about, the blender, and most importantly, new crops and medicines, and science. Haiti was so obsessed with their new island (that Spain should've controlled), they forgot to make any progress on their old one. Whoops! That's one reason why Haiti is a fourth world country right there.

Communism Comes to Ihaetyuoll

 * Everything changed with the arrival of communism. In the Western Hemishpere, not much happened, except the taking over of two countries in the Caribbean by the Soviet Union! These countries were Haiti in 1963 and Cuba in 1962. Haiti rebelled, and the Soviets oblitterated everything they owned. However, as an act of pity, the Soviet Union let the pathetic country keep their original island - you know, the fourth world one - as their home. haiti despised this, but what could they do?


 * The Soviet Union epic failed controllong their new territory, and eventually, inspired by freedom, a teenager named Keel Evribuddi, another descendent of Ihaet Evribuddi, knocked the Soviet Union off of "his little island" in 1969, which he called Shnoowurf.

The Founding of Shnoowurf

 * Keel was a very strange 16-year-old boy. He always dreamed of conquering the world and creating the most complex process of ruling it. Of having the strangest languages and currencies. Of being isolated from the world.


 * Keel Evribuddi made an agreement with the UN in 1973. This agreement stated that the UN would deny and keep secret Shnoowurf's existance. The UN didn't care of Shnoowurf's existance one way or the other, so they signed the treaty whateveringly. Now Keel Evribuddi had all control.. over everything in Shnoowurf.


 * Boshlank's Human Counterpart took over power in 2010, reinforcing Keel's laws. If you want to know, Keel's soda was "accidentally" poisoned with arsenic.

Mystery Inc. Invasion

 * In 2010, the UN stops keeping Shnoowurf secret. Their logic is "We made a deal with Keel, not some random actually awesome dude." Annoying, right? They didn't technically tell anyone - spill the beans, if you'd rather -, but they didn't exactly guard Shnoowurf either. So, Shnoowurf had to scare people away using a monster called Shnoo Demon.


 * Shnoowurf's fast engineers engineered a giant robotic Leviathon-like Shnoo Demon to make sure noone came close. Yeah... if you know anything about Scooby Doo, you'll know this is where they come in.


 * Mystery Inc. started their investigation on December 2nd, 2010, supposedly taking a vacation in the Caribbean to "escape the chill". They eventually started on the case... and got ripped to shreds by the robotic Shnoo Demon while investigating. Scooby Doo's pained dying scream was then added to Shnoowurf's national anthem. Yes, of course they had voice recorders! There was a camera crew!

The UN Interferes

 * After Scooby Doo's tragic death, who wouldn't interfere? The UN came up and interrogated Shnoowurf's current leader, Boshlank's Human Counterpart. They didn't harm or kidnap him or anything, but they asked him questions. The first, and last, of these questions was "Did you make a robotic Shnoo Demon?" Boshlank's Human Counterpart's response to this was shooting the interrogator in the head.


 * Yeah, that caused war. This war came to be known as the Shnoowurfian Isolation Independence War. However, it also caused a new oppurtunity to keep Shnoowurf secret. The war lasted about 12 minutes before Shnoowurf threatened to nuke every highly signifigant city in all of the UN unless the UN would keep Shnoowurf secret and not bomb them or anything.The UN knew the best way to play a nuclear war was not to play. So, they reluctantly signed this agreement, called the Boshlank's Human Counterpart is Awesome Agreement, in Febuary of 2012. Yes, might Spain did reluctantly sign Shnoowurf's document. Oh, Spain!



The Government of Shnoowurf



 * The government, as you may have guessed, is a communist dictatorship of doom. The leader is know as the Eyrooloverr Evribuddi. The extra "Evribuddi" is added because the ruler has been an Evribuddi every single time... except for that time when Shnoowurf was controlled by those Soviet idiots... and the king of kings, Spain.


 * The dictator has a political party called "My Little Idiots". My Little Idiots does not really control anything, but they are used for humiliation by the real party of advisors. Their mortifying fate is broadcast live across all of Shnoowurf. They are commonly stripped naked and forced to eat bags of eachother's dukey.

The Laws of Shnoowurf

 * Shnoowurf has a great varietty of laws. Yeah... you could say "a great variety", or you could say "about 200 per street". Shnoowurf is divided into 43 different winding streets, also called city streets. They each have their own ridiculously diverse laws, along with the strang national law.

The National Law

 * The national laws are very simple. If you defy the government, you are put on a humiliating game show. If you insult the government, you are put on a humiliating gameshow.If you want a panda-puss, you are put on a humiliating gameshow. Panda-pusses do not exist, and therefore shall never be wished for. Ever. Never ever. Never ever ever.

Let's take a look at the constitution, shall we?

Constitution of Shnoowurf

 * We the people of Shnoowurf hate all other people of Earth, because we are better. This is not racist. We are just better. Get used to it, people of the Earth. We just ARE! Panda-pusses are to be thoroughly despised. They do not exist, and you better tell my little sister I'm going to kill her for wanting a panda-puss. You know what, kill her while I'm writing this and make sure the blood doesn't splatter this document. This document is to be law. Oh darn, did I just write that? I'll just cross it out. Well, the different city streets can have different laws, under my control, of course. Ummm... oh yeah! Do not insult or despise the government... or defy it. I'll think of some punishment worse than death. Alright, Gudo! Mass-produce this immediately! Ummm... The End, I guess.

The Stats and Whatnot of Shnoowurf

 * Shnoowurf's national anthem is "Shnoowurf Issued Screams", which is a montage of the pained dying screams of Shnoowurf's enemies, lasting 1 hour, 13 minutes, and 56 seconds.


 * Shnoowurf is located in the Caribbean near Cuba. It's coastline in 42 miles, and it has an area of 198.99975 square miles. I'm not going to tell you it's volume. Who cares about the volume of an island?


 * Shnoowurf's national flower is the Dying Hubert, an ugly toxic orange purple-spotted flower whose fumes, if inhaled, will give one extreme nausea for a few days.


 * Shnoowurf's national animal is the Badger-Bat. Bats are not the only flying mammal!

Shnoowurf Culture

 * First off, I should warn you that Shnoowurf had a fashion revolution in the umm... lat's call them the poondies. 2000 to 2010. That is now referenced to as "the poondies". Good. I'm glad you know. You should also know that I am doing a culture overview of every mark. Yes, that is pretty much every decade. A culture guide will be included at the bottom. And... start!

1406 - 1441

 * Europeans flock to Shnoowurf after that bloody war was waged. This era is sometimes nicknamed the 'who cares' era. Because seriously, who cares about this colonization crap? What else can I say? Umm... well, Europeans come and colonize Ihaetya Island. Well, they liked to eat stuff. They ate lots of stuff. They ate pork and apples... some bananas... oh! They also ate pigs! At that point, they were like the rest of the world.

1441-1480

 * It is now, in this era, that Shnoowurf - excuse me, Ihaeteanglind - adopts quite diverse culture than the rest of the world. They begin a music craze called "estiercol de vaca", which is the Spanish way of saying cow dung. Estriercol de Vaca is usually played on picollos, flutes, recorders, and bugles. The bugles play a very low classical melody as the others play completely random notes and hope it sounds good. I would put a recording here, but I am worried I could be charged for murder if I do that. Either way, this music craze is one Ihaeteanglind quite adored. I have no idea why.


 * Art was also popular in this era of Shnoowurf's history. These people with horrible taste in music also had atrocious taste in art. This style is called "Cacacara". Caca cara is the Spanish way of saying poop face. It is pretty much correct, figuring that this style of art is the artistic representation of the bad things people do. They show this by drawing a cacacara, a poop face. You might say the people of Ihaeteanglind were strange, but you could also lie.

1480-1775

 * I'm not even going to try to cover any of the stuff here. I could be charged for murder if I attempt to describe the strange Ihaeteanglind, and I think I would be. Let's get on, shall we?

1775-1788

 * The idea for freedom was popular here. Actually, a little too popular. Freedom was incorporated into everything. The most popular song was "The Star Spangled Banner". The American flag was constantly painted. All the plays in Ihaeteanglind were reinactments of the Revolutionary War. The latest fashion was red, white, and blue. Spain despised this, but what could the best empire on the planet do?


 * A famous painting, called Washington Libertad was painted during this time. It was a famous part of Shnoowurfian history... until Keel Evribuddi destroyed it. But, all famous paintings are eventually destroyed by evil masterminds, aren't they? I would put a picture of it in this section, but it was destroyed before it could be copied. So, here's the word fondue.
 * Fondue.
 * Fondue.

1789 - 1800

 * Well, haiti was in control during this time, so Haiti experienced the horror of the strange island's grotesque being. Poor Haiti. Shnoowurf might have been exciting and new, but it sure was ugly. The freedom fad was over, but a horrific new one just begun.


 * First off, I should tell you of the sport Leachball. The players each took a leach from the putrid water of the Iheatya River and attatched it to their head. The player with the most leaches on the back of their head by the end of ten minutes wins. No taking more leaches from the water and no asking politely for a leach.
 * That is nothing compared to the art. Why is it even called leachball, anyway?


 * Squiggly lines were considered extraordinary, but don't make your line too squiggly. The massive array of types of squiggly lines was seemingly infinite, and so will be the stream of puke coming from your mouth after you hear the new dance craze.


 * Estiercol de Vaca was revived, but that's not all. Now, it was danced to. Not a fun dance. A dance that symbolified humiliation of the weak. A professional dancer would pick a weak person from the audience and move in a circle around them. This movement required hip-shaking and toungue-sticking. When the correct part of the song was reached, the dancer would pick up the weak person and punt them back into the audience. It was then the dancer would mock the weak person by sitting on the ground and fake-cry as badly as they could and launch themselves into the audience. Then, the flutes or piccolos would stop playing and say something rude and insulting to the weak. Lovely, right? Please clog up your stream of puke, please.


 * You don't want to hear the rest, and I will probably get arrested, but I feel this is neccesary. Art was a picture of someone getting whipped to death in this stage. This is strange, but not as strange as how they were able to create these paintings. Haiti whipped people in public so artists could see this spectacle and create their painting. These public whippings could also arouse inspiration. These paintings also inspired Keel Evribuddi to hold Whipping Day, on March 26th.


 * No, that is not all. Rememeber, some medicine was introduced. Yes. That means more advanced surgery. People surgically implanted pigskin baseballs into their stomachs, along with solid iron cubes and apples. Oh, the things those people surgically implanted into their stomachs! Really, it wasn't their stomachs, but it was infront of them, or in that area of the body. It was implanted so that you could clearly see it sticking out of their body. Grotesque, right? That probably didn't help your pukestream, did it?

1810 - 1810

 * I am sorry to inform you that leachball was still the most popular sport in Shnoowurf... er, Haiti. Now, there were even teams of the different areas of Ihaetya Island. The teams were the Badger-Bats, the Puking Huberts, the Bonfires, the Estiercol de Vacas, the Awesomeinators, the Yazpatches, and the Mutant Mega-Roaches.


 * Well no, the menace of Estiercol de Vaca wasn't dead. It was half-dead, though. It's like one of those dead things that you find on the beach that you poke with a stick and it twitches. There are several more dances, but I am not going to tell you the details of these atrocities. However, there was another style of music born called Queiro Codigo, which directly translates to I am God. It is named this because a Lutheran priest, named Eysukk the CCXXXVIIIth. Yes, that is 238 in Roman numerals. He believes God spoke to him and told him to create this style of music.