User blog:Goldentrash/Why Starco is a Bad Ship: An Opinion

August 5, 2017

I know this is an act of treason, but La Resistance will not be silenced. After completing all episodes of Star vs the Forces of Evil to date and thinking very long and hard about this subject (and by "long and hard" I mean "saw some shitpost memes and decided to become jump on the anti-meme bandwagon"), I have come to the conclusion that Star x Marco (Starco) is not the One True Ship. Here's why.

First, Star is not a good fit for Marco. Star is the literal embodiment of the "Manic Pixie Dream Girl" stereotype which is a personality that does not mesh well with Marco's whatsoever. Marco, by nature, is a safe kid. The non-trouble maker. The law-abiding citizen. Star's personality is fitting a square peg into a round hole. It just doesn't work. That is not to say Star and Marco cannot be friends. Indeed they should. But, if they were to make Starco canon, it would devastate their friendship and reveal cracks in the incompatibility. I can think of two examples of where Star and Marco's friendship was strained, just in the first six months of them knowing each other, and both examples where because of Star's actions. She is incapable of thinking of consequences of her actions and planning ahead and she would make a horrible romantic partner. The vast majority of the episodes prior to season 3 relate to Star creating trouble for Marco after which he is forced to fix it. I guarantee that if Marco and Star were to be married, they would divorce within the first year. Just friends are what they are, just friends is how they are strongest, and just friends is how they should remain.

So where does that leave me? What do I ship? Do you think I am a Jackie x Marco Jarco fan? Not at all. You would be very wrong. As you see, I am anti-Jarco for a few reasons, namely, Marco does not know how to act around Jackie. I don't know what Jackie sees in Marco, but he is a complete and utter beta when he's around her. He requires a (literally) hand-written note of questions to ask her and doesn't even let her finish! In the real world (which is perfectly comparable to a cartoon world), Jackie would find Marco extremely boring after the initial honeymoon phase wore off. Marco is so weak and ineffectual, I don't see how their relationship will last long, especially considering the fact that Star has revealed her feelings towards Marco. Which is super ironic considering Star tried for the entire first season to pair Marco and Jackie! Once again, proving my point Star is a dumb girl with no concern for the future, but I digress.

So I haven't answered your question? So if I'm anti-Starco, and anti-Jarco, what the hell am I? Janco? Tomco? No fuck off. I won't even get into was to why those are a godawful ships. If you don't already know then please get out of this fandom.

No, my ship is none other than Hekapoo x Marco (Marcapoo). It is a very simple and obvious answer as to why this is the One True Ship. In the episode where Marco spends 16 years finding all the Hekapoo clones and blowing their flames out, he has cultivated a strong relationship with her that is clearly romantic in nature. Unlike the other girls, Marco knows how to handle Hekapoo like none other and vice versa. It is an odd paring, but the two compliment each other. Remember how Marco called Hekapoo "H-Poo" before he left? He has not done that with any of the other girls, not even Jackie. Not even Star. I think this piece of evidence is the most damning. Even more damning than the Blood Moon Ball, or the Kiss. Even if this is a weak ship, I maintain that all my above points are valid and that if Hekapoo is not in fact the One True Girl, then Marco is doomed to a life of perpetual singleness, perhaps a fitting fate for a pathetic boy.

Also not to mention Hekapoo is T H I C C.