Keller House Press Briefing Room

Here follows a page with all the Allied States of America governmental appearances to the general public and the world. Please note that not all information here is 100% correct and may miss some sentences and/or other things that are not of significant importance.

February 4, 2010
Speaker: "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the Allied States of America."

POTAS: "Good-day my fellow Americans, let us honor the Union."

Singing of the Star Spangled Banner II...

''POTAS: "The world has been struck by a series of unfortunate events in the last few weeks, as most of you know. The Grand Yarphese Republic to the east has conquered the Falkland Islands, among a few other places around the globe, but they have ultimately invaded our close ally at their shore-fronts, in Wales. We have accordingly responded by dispatching the Allied States Second Fleet, which is expected to arrive in Wales late tonight. The Allied States has always kept a neutral relationship with Yarphei, we traded, met, etcetera, but we've always resented them for their abuse of the right to vote, among other things. They stole liberty from their citizens, and that has greatly effected the rest of the civilized world. I feel it is my duty, as an American leader, to call on their president, to step down, and hand his position as leader of Yarphei over to someone who has the respect and courage, to give, and hold the rights and freedom of the people. Our declaration of war on the Yarphese has been passed by congress yesterday, and we are ready to tackle this threat to freedom with all our military and diplomatic might.''

''The second thing I want to speak to you about is the small island 'nation' to our east, near the Bahamas, four-chanistan. Most of you have properly never heard of this island nation because of its size... and... eh... name. But a vast number of our computer literates know about the website, 4chan. This nation was founded from the owners and members of that community, they bought the island and turned it into a country. The Allied States cannot accept a country with a motto of... let me just get the way you pronounce it correct... 'In lulz we trust', which is a mockery of our northern and western ally, the United States of America. This country clearly does not take BEING a county seriously, they call their citizens 'Anons' which is... retarded. But that is off the subject, I am bringing this to you to discuss the 'war' between Iran and four-chanistan. Four-chanistan launched a full-scale cyber attack against the Iranian government's computer systems, and caused severe damage. After we had heard of this act of terrorism, we decided to side with Iran. Many people across the world are clearly not happy with our decision to help Iran, but we must push forward. Personally, I think it was right of Iran to launch an attack on 4chanistan with its destroyer, but as a political leader I encourage the Iranians to... keep their... 'cool', and not do such things. The Everetti president recently spoke on behalf of her country, and sort of on behalf of four-chanistan. But I think there was a slight misunderstanding regarding our 2 destroyers at our most eastern edge of ASA waters, and the submarine in the Atlantic. This task force has been specifically placed there to stop all further 'surprise' attacks by our ally, Iran. We have warned their government to cease attacking the island and are prepared to open fire if they try it again. One last thing, I urge to four-chanistani government not to 'warn' the Allied States about anything, it will be seen as a threat, and we will retaliate. Thank you. I will take questions now.''

Other
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